I have erased over 150 blog posts. The feeling was similar to freedom.
It was like one of those impossible moments when you wish you could erase parts of your memories, of your life. As if you had the chance to let go of what you do not like. Cover all the wounds and start all over again.
I guess I did that. I try to believe I tricked my brain, as the NLP techniques I wasted my time reading taught me. I told it the biggest lie ever – that I am free of some burdens that used to bring me down. That through just one click, one song, one sleep, I erased what I wanted to give up on.
Now I am brand new, fresh and shinny, smily and bright. I wonder, however, why I feel an immense tiredness, why my arms have no strength, why I drag my feet. Why I don’t manage to sleep. To relax. To slow down. To calm down. To lay down.
It must only be the effect of the erasing process. Of rending pieces of me. It will slowly disappear. But maybe not for some time. As a limb you don’t have anymore, but still feel it.
I will start blogging again. In English and Romanian. I missed my language. Now I have been offered the chance to remember it. So I’ll take advantage of it.
Belated update: The rending effect hasn’t disappeared. I still feel the missing parts.
